Mental illness isn't always predictable (or is it ever, really?) and sometimes it seems to make no sense at all. I live rent-free with family, I have loving family and friends, I have a new job (part-time) that I actually enjoy, working with people I actually like, and I have stable, consistent work hours. So, … Continue reading So… Hospital Again
Disconnected Boisterous laughs, music from an iPhoneand the different tonesof multiple, overlapping conversations swirlaround. They penetrate me to my core,tensing my gut,feet shakingand eyes staring deeplyat I don't know what. Everyone surrounding is engaged,present,yet I feel lost,miles awayyet trapped. Unable to move,to smile, to laugh,I sit stoicallyuntil my attention is jerkedback to the presentby a … Continue reading Poem // Disconnected
I love to journal. There's something cathartic about getting things out and there's nothing quite like the feel of your hand gliding along paper as you write. I haven't been journaling very consistently lately. I usually use the excuse that I'm too busy or too tired and that I'll "do it tomorrow." This is my … Continue reading Resolving to Journal More
So... my last post. I was kind of in a dark place, thinking about if I wanted to die, but ultimately ending with the line that I would be there tomorrow, so I guess it kind of ended on a positive note...? *sigh* See, my therapist, PCP, and psychiatrist all told me that steroids could … Continue reading Why Steroids Are Bad For Me
I feel so lost. I don't understand so many things. Like, for instance, why does the thought of going to work tomorrow make me want to grab my pill bottle and take everything? Do I want to die? I don't think so. Yet those urges are strong. I can visualize myself taking the medication, then … Continue reading Trigger Warning: Do I Want to Die?
Sometimes my family members tell me I need to give up on a friendship and move on. Like one friendship I had in college, we'll call her Sylvia, that was super important to me. I talked with Sylvia about practically everything, especially relating to my mental illness and the struggles I was having with self-harm … Continue reading Why I Can’t Give Up On Friends
Am I? Am I someone who doesn't want to work hard for what I want out of life? Am I just looking for a way to give up? I don't want to be that person. I want to want to work hard for what I want out of life. I want to recognize that the … Continue reading Am I THAT Person?