So… Hospital Again

Mental illness isn't always predictable (or is it ever, really?) and sometimes it seems to make no sense at all. I live rent-free with family, I have loving family and friends, I have a new job (part-time) that I actually enjoy, working with people I actually like, and I have stable, consistent work hours.  So, … Continue reading So… Hospital Again

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Poem // Disconnected

Disconnected Boisterous laughs, music from an iPhoneand the different tonesof multiple, overlapping conversations swirlaround. They penetrate me to my core,tensing my gut,feet shakingand eyes staring deeplyat I don't know what. Everyone surrounding is engaged,present,yet I feel lost,miles awayyet trapped. Unable to move,to smile, to laugh,I sit stoicallyuntil my attention is jerkedback to the presentby a … Continue reading Poem // Disconnected

Resolving to Journal More

I love to journal. There's something cathartic about getting things out and there's nothing quite like the feel of your hand gliding along paper as you write. I haven't been journaling very consistently lately. I usually use the excuse that I'm too busy or too tired and that I'll "do it tomorrow." This is my … Continue reading Resolving to Journal More

Why Steroids Are Bad For Me

So... my last post. I was kind of in a dark place, thinking about if I wanted to die, but ultimately ending with the line that I would be there tomorrow, so I guess it kind of ended on a positive note...?  *sigh* See, my therapist, PCP, and psychiatrist all told me that steroids could … Continue reading Why Steroids Are Bad For Me

Trigger Warning: Do I Want to Die?

I feel so lost.  I don't understand so many things. Like, for instance, why does the thought of going to work tomorrow make me want to grab my pill bottle and take everything?  Do I want to die?  I don't think so. Yet those urges are strong. I can visualize myself taking the medication, then … Continue reading Trigger Warning: Do I Want to Die?

Why I Can’t Give Up On Friends

Sometimes my family members tell me I need to give up on a friendship and move on. Like one friendship I had in college, we'll call her Sylvia, that was super important to me. I talked with Sylvia about practically everything, especially relating to my mental illness and the struggles I was having with self-harm … Continue reading Why I Can’t Give Up On Friends

Am I THAT Person?

Am I? Am I someone who doesn't want to work hard for what I want out of life? Am I just looking for a way to give up? I don't want to be that person. I want to want to work hard for what I want out of life. I want to recognize that the … Continue reading Am I THAT Person?