Well, That Conversation Didn’t Go the Way I’d Hoped

Sometimes conversations don’t go the way we want them to. This past Wednesday I met with my provider for my psych meds. In the middle of the appointment I gently said, “last week when I saw you (for an extra appointment), you said ‘x;’ I interpreted what you said as you thinking I’m not trying … Continue reading Well, That Conversation Didn’t Go the Way I’d Hoped

Applying for Jobs and Freaking Out

I have been really stressed out about the idea of getting a job. But I'm running out of money and I need one. So, I'm working with a job specialist to help me find a job that will fit my wants and needs. By our next meeting (which is this coming Tuesday) she wants me … Continue reading Applying for Jobs and Freaking Out

Poem // Untitled 1-23-2020

I reach blindly through time and space, hand grasping, pushing through heavy, black mental curtains that have blocked the past, my childhood joy and innocence. I grasp thin air. The few semblances of happy memories I’m finally able to grab seem frail and fragile, disintegrating at the edges. A 27-year-old pale pink baby blanket, the … Continue reading Poem // Untitled 1-23-2020

A Difficult Week; TW: Suicidal Thoughts

This week has been incredibly stressful, to say the least. We had to call 911 Emergency for my aunt on Monday because she was not very lucid and had an insanely high fever. I think she almost died. She was in ICU for a day or two and wasn't lucid at the time. She had … Continue reading A Difficult Week; TW: Suicidal Thoughts

Trigger Warning: Suicide; Suicidal Thoughts but Not Suicidal

Have you ever had suicidal thoughts but not actually been suicidal? That’s what happened to me two nights ago. I don’t know exactly what happened. I was switched from one muscle relaxer to a different one by my doctor earlier that day. That night, while I was lying in bed, I started having thoughts. Thoughts … Continue reading Trigger Warning: Suicide; Suicidal Thoughts but Not Suicidal

Going into 2020

I’m not gonna lie. I was nervous about this past week. Not only was it the start of a new year, which was making me sad and worried about finances and my life in general, but my twin sister would be heading back to her home across the state after being with me for a … Continue reading Going into 2020

Dinner Anger

I literally almost just started crying over trying to figure out what to eat for dinner. I don’t struggle with eating, but deciding what to eat can be a struggle, especially when I’m feeling indecisive. I started getting angry at the suggestions of my family, and then got angry at myself for being angry to … Continue reading Dinner Anger