The Importance of a Schedule… And the Difficulty

My last post was over two weeks ago and things were rough. I had called a crisis line because I was struggling with self-harm urges and thankfully I made it through without acting on them. Since then I've had "good" and "bad" days. On the good I was having such a great time. Going out … Continue reading The Importance of a Schedule… And the Difficulty

Calling a Crisis Line

Reaching out for help can be hard and, at times, terrifying. Today I didn't realize I was in a crisis until around 9:30pm, half an hour after my therapist's calling hours ended. I was having serious self-harm urges. I wanted to cut. Badly. I was struggling, making plans to self harm, and felt like I was … Continue reading Calling a Crisis Line

When Anxiety Sets In

Anxiety is not something I am used to experiencing. I had it pretty bad when my depression first started back in my Sophomore year of college in late 2011 and early 2012. My anxiety sometimes presents as this tension in my gut, like a knot, and I want to punch walls and scream and burst … Continue reading When Anxiety Sets In

A Not-So-Great Day

Since Sunday my days have been more good than bad.  Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday all fell into the category of what I would call good days. I was feeling positive, happy even, and was being really productive. Tuesday was an off day and then today happened. I woke up exhausted, didn't know what to … Continue reading A Not-So-Great Day

Three Weeks Later

It's been nearly three weeks since my last post. I don't really know what happened. I've been struggling. In the last two weeks I've had three therapy appointments which, considering I'm supposed to have one every two weeks, tells you a lot probably. I've been feeling helpless, hopeless, and financially strained. Even though I'm actually … Continue reading Three Weeks Later

Painting to Bring Me Out of My Mindlessness

The other night I was pretty miserable. I didn't really want to do anything and, as a result, ended up playing a computer game (Civilization V) for hours. And I do mean hours. I finally realized that I had reached a point where I was no longer enjoying the game. I was playing mindlessly, as if my … Continue reading Painting to Bring Me Out of My Mindlessness