Trigger Warning: Do I Want to Die?

I feel so lost.  I don't understand so many things. Like, for instance, why does the thought of going to work tomorrow make me want to grab my pill bottle and take everything?  Do I want to die?  I don't think so. Yet those urges are strong. I can visualize myself taking the medication, then … Continue reading Trigger Warning: Do I Want to Die?

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Hospitalization… the Right Choice for Me

So, for those who read my last two posts, it's clear that I have been struggling. Starting on August 5th, so almost a month ago, I began having urges to take all my medication in an attempt to overdose. I wouldn't say I was suicidal, per se, because I didn't really want to die. I … Continue reading Hospitalization… the Right Choice for Me

I Didn’t Want to Write this Post…

I could have written part of this post a week and a half ago, on August 5th, when the suicidal thoughts and urges came back. I hoped it was a one-day thing. That it would go away. And I was really shaken up about it so I decided to wait. Writing about it would make … Continue reading I Didn’t Want to Write this Post…

Three Years!

Today, March 28th, 2018, marks three years since I've stopped cutting. Last year I celebrated on March 27th, but then I realized that March 27th, 2015 was the last day that I actually cut. So, I wanted to celebrate the three year mark of when I stopped. So, March 28th. It has been such a struggle … Continue reading Three Years!

Dealing with Anger

So, this past Wednesday I got pissed. Super angry. And who did I get angry at? My psychiatrist. I went to my scheduled appointment and told my doctor that I haven't been feeling well basically since the beginning of the new year. My mood has been really up and down to the point where I've … Continue reading Dealing with Anger

Extra Therapy and Contributing

I've come to realize that I need to do things for me. And sometimes, when I'm not feeling great and depression feels like it's closing in, that means setting up and extra therapy appointment. I always get a little hesitant about setting up an additional appointment with my therapist because I worry about what she'll … Continue reading Extra Therapy and Contributing

Sudden Mood Shifts

So, today was great. The last few days have been great. I've been being and feeling really productive at life-type things like babysitting, working towards getting a job, cleaning, helping my sister build an entertainment system, helping my nephew rake leaves. It's been so good. Last night, talking to one of my friends on the phone, I … Continue reading Sudden Mood Shifts