The Importance of a Schedule… And the Difficulty

My last post was over two weeks ago and things were rough. I had called a crisis line because I was struggling with self-harm urges and thankfully I made it through without acting on them. Since then I've had "good" and "bad" days. On the good I was having such a great time. Going out … Continue reading The Importance of a Schedule… And the Difficulty

When Anxiety Sets In

Anxiety is not something I am used to experiencing. I had it pretty bad when my depression first started back in my Sophomore year of college in late 2011 and early 2012. My anxiety sometimes presents as this tension in my gut, like a knot, and I want to punch walls and scream and burst … Continue reading When Anxiety Sets In

Three Weeks Later

It's been nearly three weeks since my last post. I don't really know what happened. I've been struggling. In the last two weeks I've had three therapy appointments which, considering I'm supposed to have one every two weeks, tells you a lot probably. I've been feeling helpless, hopeless, and financially strained. Even though I'm actually … Continue reading Three Weeks Later

When “I don’t care” Turns Into “I’m really sad”

When I woke up it wasn't a good day. I was exhausted.  I had slept for 12 hours and I didn't want to get out of bed. I did though. I got out of bed. I took my meds. I ate a banana. I tried watching a recorded television show from last night and I … Continue reading When “I don’t care” Turns Into “I’m really sad”

When Suicidal Thoughts Come Back

I know the title of this post is a bit intense, so let me start off by saying that I'm not currently suicidal. I have been in the past, but I'm not right now. I hope that sets  your mind at ease. Yesterday I was feeling miserable for a large portion of the day. I … Continue reading When Suicidal Thoughts Come Back

How the Heck Did I Do That?

I went to work yesterday. For a lot of people, there's nothing extraordinary about that statement. But for me, going to work yesterday, it seems incredible. When I went to bed the previous night I was calm, but I had been struggling for the hours preceding laying down to go to sleep. Only through the use … Continue reading How the Heck Did I Do That?

No One Likes Feeling Sad … Seriously, Though

By a raise of hands, who likes feeling sad? *looks around* No one? Big surprise.   Allowing myself to feel sad isn't something that comes naturally to me. When my brother-in-law passed away 5 1/2 years ago (who, by the way, was incredibly important in my life) I shut down, emotionally. I didn't allow myself … Continue reading No One Likes Feeling Sad … Seriously, Though