I moved in with my godparents a few months ago but since taking a 2 week medical leave from work and quitting my job I haven't been home. I have been basically bouncing between different houses, namely my oldest sister's and my grandma's. I don't know why I haven't gone back but I've been trying … Continue reading Baby Steps, Carry Me Forward
This last week (or maybe two) has been so rough. My depression has been back in full force and I've been crying nearly every day. I've been feeling detached, dazed, and like my head is in the clouds, just floating. I've had passive suicidal thoughts (*To be clear, I am NOT suicidal) and self harm … Continue reading Art Is Keeping Me Going
I have conversations in my head with family members all the time. Not like hearing voices, but imagining scenarios (oftentimes catastrophizing scenarios) in which I lash out or say how I'm really feeling. Like a few minutes ago. I've been feeling... off... for hours now. For a while my art was distracting me, but not … Continue reading Maybe I’m Really a Bitch and Just Never Show It
When I woke up it wasn't a good day. I was exhausted. I had slept for 12 hours and I didn't want to get out of bed. I did though. I got out of bed. I took my meds. I ate a banana. I tried watching a recorded television show from last night and I … Continue reading When “I don’t care” Turns Into “I’m really sad”
I went to work yesterday. For a lot of people, there's nothing extraordinary about that statement. But for me, going to work yesterday, it seems incredible. When I went to bed the previous night I was calm, but I had been struggling for the hours preceding laying down to go to sleep. Only through the use … Continue reading How the Heck Did I Do That?
By a raise of hands, who likes feeling sad? *looks around* No one? Big surprise. Allowing myself to feel sad isn't something that comes naturally to me. When my brother-in-law passed away 5 1/2 years ago (who, by the way, was incredibly important in my life) I shut down, emotionally. I didn't allow myself … Continue reading No One Likes Feeling Sad … Seriously, Though
I didn't make it through my whole shift today. For those of you who don't know, I work part-time at a fast food chain near my house. Today I was scheduled to work from 6am to 1pm. I was working Order Take, meaning I would greet people over the headset at the drive thru and … Continue reading I Didn’t Make it Through My Shift Today