Baby Steps, Carry Me Forward

I moved in with my godparents a few months ago but since taking a 2 week medical leave from work and quitting my job I haven't been home. I have been basically bouncing between different houses, namely my oldest sister's and my grandma's. I don't know why I haven't gone back but I've been trying … Continue reading Baby Steps, Carry Me Forward

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Art Is Keeping Me Going

This last week (or maybe two) has been so rough. My depression has been back in full force and I've been crying nearly every day. I've been feeling detached, dazed, and like my head is in the clouds, just floating. I've had passive suicidal thoughts (*To be clear, I am NOT suicidal) and self harm … Continue reading Art Is Keeping Me Going

Maybe I’m Really a Bitch and Just Never Show It

I have conversations in my head with family members all the time. Not like hearing voices, but imagining scenarios (oftentimes catastrophizing scenarios) in which I lash out or say how I'm really feeling. Like a few minutes ago. I've been feeling... off... for hours now. For a while my art was distracting me, but not … Continue reading Maybe I’m Really a Bitch and Just Never Show It

When “I don’t care” Turns Into “I’m really sad”

When I woke up it wasn't a good day. I was exhausted.  I had slept for 12 hours and I didn't want to get out of bed. I did though. I got out of bed. I took my meds. I ate a banana. I tried watching a recorded television show from last night and I … Continue reading When “I don’t care” Turns Into “I’m really sad”

Poem // Illusion

Illusion ©2016 Avid Journaler December 14, 2016 I sit on a brown couch, legs crossed under me, elevated above the ground— separate. Minute movements, small gestures really, disrupt my carefully crafted illusion of stillness, of calm. —Brushing hair from my eyes— —Shoulders heaving in a barely audible sigh— —Fingers tapping knees and thighs— I can’t … Continue reading Poem // Illusion

How the Heck Did I Do That?

I went to work yesterday. For a lot of people, there's nothing extraordinary about that statement. But for me, going to work yesterday, it seems incredible. When I went to bed the previous night I was calm, but I had been struggling for the hours preceding laying down to go to sleep. Only through the use … Continue reading How the Heck Did I Do That?