My last post was over two weeks ago and things were rough. I had called a crisis line because I was struggling with self-harm urges and thankfully I made it through without acting on them.
Since then I’ve had “good” and “bad” days. On the good I was having such a great time. Going out with family, spending time with people, getting outside. It was fantastic. I had 6 great days in a row. On my bad days I was exhausted, wanting nothing more than to be unconscious, sleeping or maybe something else. It got to the point where I would wake up, be up for an hour, nap for a couple hours, be up for a while longer and then try to nap again.
My therapist told me that I need to use Opposite Action all day every day to get through. She told me to set up a schedule for the day, something for every hour.
This is what I planned to follow, starting on 6/3:
10am-11am Wake up, breakfast, dressed
11am-12pm Go for a walk
12pm-1pm Sit outside, read or weed beach
1pm-3pm Go over nephew’s tutoring material; eat lunch
3pm-3:30pm Go to Nina’s (my oldest sister)
4pm-5pm Tutor my nephew
5pm-6pm Hang out at Nina’s
6pm-7pm Eat dinner
7pm-8pm Do some art
8pm-9pm Watch tv show
9pm-10pm Shower and routine
10pm-11pm Civilization V
My schedule didn’t go exactly as planned. I was open to variation depending on what I felt like doing. I was trying to make sure that I wasn’t being too rigid in my plans. I managed to get through the next 3 days without taking a nap in my bed. The only nap I took was as a passenger during a car ride.
Do you know what I learned? Being busy is hard. It’s exhausting. I’m trying really hard and I at times I feel like I’m wearing down. But I’m gonna keep going. Keep trying. Keep moving forward.