Emotional Roller Coaster

Today has been an emotional ride. I don’t understand. Is this what normal is supposed to feel like? Ups and downs? Going from angry and on edge to having a fantastic time with my dad at dinner to feeling like I’m in an incredible amount of emotional pain? I literally don’t know what to do. I was fine an hour ago. Now I feel this tension building in my gut. I feel like screaming. I’m having self harm thoughts and urges. Part of me wants to shut down, to give up but I can’t. I know I need to keep pushing forward. I don’t know how to do it but maybe I do but it’s so hard. Why is recovery so hard, such a tumultuous ride?

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