So my psychiatrist has been flirting with the idea lately of looking at me in regards to Bipolar Disorder. I never really felt like that diagnosis fit me because I don’t have manic highs or anything. Really, I just feel really depressed a lot of the time. But I have a lot of problems with not being able to sleep much sometimes (and also oversleeping at other times) and with irritability (as anyone in my family will tell you). Still I just didn’t feel like it fit.
Recently my therapist has been wondering about my mood. It doesn’t seem to be consistently depressed for 2 weeks as required for a depressive episode. So she asked me to track my mood on a graph. I hate number scales and whatever but I decided to give it a try.
I have it set where
- -50 = suicidal urges
- -40 = in misery
- -30 = very unhappy/ sh urges / suicidal thoughts
- -20 = hard to concentrate; unhappy
- -10 = bleh
- 0 = neutral
- 10 =
- 20 =
- 30 = good day
- 40 = very happy
- 50 = ecstatic
As you can see, the scale is not spectacularly defined. But what I did notice is that my moods tend to be rather cyclical lately (my psychiatrist’s words, not mine). Apparently that can be indicative of Bipolar. My psychiatrist said she’s updating my diagnosis or code or something to “Mixed State of Bipolar”.
I don’t know how I feel about this. It’s hard to adjust to the idea of something different than what I’ve been told for the last 5 1/2 years. But I just need to educate myself more, I think.
For the first time ever I find myself nervous to tell certain family members. I only feel this way because certain people have told me before that they’re “pretty sure I’m Bipolar” and I really don’t want an “I told you so” moment.
Hopefully, with this new diagnosis and new medications, things will start to get more on track.
Hoping for the best,