This last week (or maybe two) has been so rough. My depression has been back in full force and I’ve been crying nearly every day. I’ve been feeling detached, dazed, and like my head is in the clouds, just floating. I’ve had passive suicidal thoughts (*To be clear, I am NOT suicidal) and self harm urges. It’s hard to focus and I’ve been feeling defeated. I even called in to work yesterday morning and didn’t go. When I got a text from my manager saying she’ll need a doctor’s note and if I call in again and don’t find someone to cover my shift it will be counted as a no-call, no-show (which could result in me losing my job) I completely broke down in sobs. It’s not like I went to the doctor’s for this yesterday.
Clearly, I’m struggling lately.
What’s really helped me get through the moments, which at time seem endless, is my art. It helps me keep my hands busy to fight off those self-harm urges; it keeps my mind occupied on the task at hand so I’m more mindful; it helps me feel creative and productive; it sometimes breaks through this cloud around me and gives me moments of happiness. If I wasn’t doing art, I don’t know how I’d be getting through these days.