I Didn’t Make it Through My Shift Today

I didn’t make it through my whole shift today. For those of you who don’t know, I work part-time at a fast food chain near my house. Today I was scheduled to work from 6am to 1pm. I was working Order Take, meaning I would greet people over the headset at the drive thru and input their orders, and by 7am (after only an hour of work) I wanted to leave. I was struggling with my depression today and I was having very strong self-harm urges. Anything to leave – that’s what my brain was telling me. I stopped and tried to let the urges pass out of my head, I used positive self-talk and cheerleading, and I did not wear a jacket near the drive thru window (that way I was getting blasts of cold air). Every time I answered the drive thru I made sure I used an upbeat voice.  When I could get away, I briefly texted my therapist, who then texted me a list of skills to try.

I made it through 5 hours of work. I keep telling myself that I should be proud of that accomplishment. I was so miserable that I wanted to just walk and quit, but I didn’t. I made it through (maybe not the whole shift, but most of it). All I can do is keep trying and hope that I can keep going strong at work.

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