It seems like a lot of good things have been happening for me lately. A lot of work and effort has gone into them, too. Let’s see, how about a short list?
- I moved out of my mom’s house
- I submitted a manuscript of poetry to a competition (No, I have not heard back and won’t for 5 1/2 more months… dang.)
- I’ve been doing a lot of artwork and have been thinking of opening an Etsy shop
- I’ve started working on a novel I started over 4 years ago because of NaNoWriMo
- I’ve been helping my sister with Spanish homework
- I’ve been more helpful around the house
- I’ve been job hunting
- I went on a job interview 2 weeks ago (that I didn’t get)
- I have 2 more job interviews tomorrow
- I’ve been looking into enrolling in a graphic design degree program online
- I’m trying new medications for my depression
Wow, that’s a lot. So, after job hunting today, trying to work out some medication insurance snaffoos, applying for 2 jobs, getting a call from the school I was looking into, and realizing I have 2 job interviews tomorrow, I suddenly felt very overwhelmed. It took me a few moments (and by moments I mean minutes) to realize that I was feeling fear. I was so overwhelmed and anxious and all I wanted to do was scream and cry and run away.
To those of you who haven’t struggled with mental illness, does this seem strange to you? Things are starting to go well and my response is to “freak out” and want to run away and cry. I know there will be a lot of people that relate to my reaction.
I placed a call to my therapist, got some water and food, and decided the next best step (while waiting for a call back) was to get out how I was feeling. I grabbed my Sharpies and got straight to work. As I started, I made the commitment to myself to take this skill all the way. I wasn’t just going to write out the negative and leave it at that. I was going to express my painful emotions in this healthy way, but then I was going to reverse it. I challenged myself to counteract those panicked thoughts. This is what I came up with:
I guess sometimes you just have to draw it out. ❤