A few days ago I wrote a post about how my twin helped me out. I was stressing out pretty badly about where I am in life and my depression making things difficult and so, together, we made me a daily schedule that I was going to start trying to follow yesterday.
And actually, the first part of my day went really well. I woke up early, before my schedule even said I should. I ate breakfast, took my meds, did job searches for half an hour longer than scheduled, worked on professional development (CSS and HTML coding) for like 2 hours, and then… stopped.
I felt suddenly so drained. My mood crashed. All I wanted to do was go to sleep. I didn’t eat lunch. I didn’t do my NaNoWriMo. I didn’t do any art or media, which I normally love.
I napped for nearly 3 hours instead.
I had agreed to make dinner, thankfully, and that got me out of bed and to the store with my sister, Mary. From 6-9pm I picked up in the kitchen, cooked, ate, and then cleaned up. Then? I went back to my room. Nothing was really holding my attention, but I threw on a Netflix show in the background and eventually went to sleep.
I woke up after 10ish hours but didn’t want to get up. I felt like I did in college when I would wake up and feel so unmotivated and depressed that I would just go back to sleep. So that’s what I did. It’s election/voting day but I am so damn unmotivated and I just feel like I don’t care.
I’ve tried to get things done today. I got out of bed at noon, ate breakfast, helped my sister with some Spanish, did some Duolingo, took a shower… yet I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing. All I want to to sink and sleep and check out.
Here’s to trying, though. Because that’s what I’m going to keep on doing.