Look Beneath the Surface

So, the boring back-story of the experience I am gearing up to write about today is that I came over to my eldest sister’s house at 8:30 this morning so I could be here when the internet installation tech guy would be over between 9am and 11am. So, now that I have that “back-story” (but not really long enough to be considered a story…) out of the way, I’ll get to the main point.

The man that came over was in his late thirties or early forties (I am completely guessing and could be way wrong – I’ve always been quite atrocious at guessing ages). After finishing all the lessons on Duolingo for Spanish (I was completely captivated by it and being quite anti-social) on my phone, I struck up a conversation. I explained that I’m not usually so rude or anti-social but that I was distracted by the app. We talked about various things, although in retrospect I think I did most of the talking. I get like that sometimes – talkative, I mean. At any rate, I talked about school, my sisters, college, my short-lived study abroad in Spain, etc. I even managed to  bring up my Major Depression. I’m not exactly sure how that happened, but it did.

The interesting part was the surprise that the tech exhibited at hearing about my depression. He said something along the lines of, “Woah, I never would have guessed! You’re so bubbly!” I definitely froze for a second at that because I am virtually never described as bubbly. Ever. I think I kindly responded with something along the lines of, “Well, you can never really tell what’s going on under the surface.”

I feel like I am always projecting depression, everywhere, to everyone. Yet this experience reminded me that, to those who don’t know me, my depression perhaps is not quite so obvious. And it was a slightly sad reminder that depression is a mental illness – because it is not a “physical illness,” people who don’t have experience with it don’t always see it. People tend to forget about it and brush it aside because the symptoms are not always easy to see.  But, I guess the positive is that I am able to project happiness to others at times.

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