Depression has a way of warping the way we think. It doesn’t warp everyone’s thoughts in the same way but, correct me if I’m wrong, Depression lies to us. It tries to make us believe those lies by playing on our fears and insecurities. If I was to tell you every lie my depression told me, not only would this post become very boring and monotonous, I would never be able to stop writing. So, in the interest of brevity and sanity (mine and yours), I’ll just mention two situations and the resulting lies.
Situation 1: I didn’t hear from one of my friends in a long time.
- Lie My Depression Tells Me: My friend might have been kidnapped and the kidnapper has been posting to [my friend’s] social media and I’m the only one who will care enough and be persistent enough to find out and save him/her and if I don’t keep trying and something happens I will never be able to forgive myself.
- Truth: I am catastrophizing. This happens a lot in my head and I am aware when it’s happening. I think of worst case scenarios. I just have to counteract those thoughts with rational thinking. My friend might just be upset with me and that’s why he/she isn’t responding. He/she has roommates and a job. If something was wrong they would have already noticed and/or done something.
- Lie My Depression Tells Me: That person was never really my friend. They just put up with me until they couldn’t tolerate me anymore.
- Truth: I don’t know what’s going on in their life. Maybe they need space. Maybe I did nothing wrong. I may never know. Sometimes friendships fall apart.
Situation 2: When I ask, my sister and her girlfriend say they might play cards with me later on but don’t.
- Lies My Depression Tells Me: I’m not important enough. If they cared, they would play. They don’t want to spend time with me. Spending time with me is a chore in their eyes.
- Truth: I fixate on games sometimes. They didn’t promise. They didn’t say yes. They said maybe. Them not playing is not a reflection on me, but on how much time and energy they have.
I’ve learned that depression is annoying and horrible and will try to make me more miserable with any situation it can twist to its advantage. That’s why I like to reflect on here, in my journal, or with people I trust. Because sometimes we need someonethat we trust completely to say, “That seems a little stalkery” or give is that look that says, “Nothing you said just now makes sense.”
So here’s to everyone and everything that helps us. Here’s to challenging those lies, while being as nice to ourselves about it as we can.