This poem is about my experience of falling back into depression.
June 8, 2016
Thoughts blur and blend
as colors bleed and fade
into a formless mass.
Fingers pass through cloud,
leaving tracks behind,
as if clawing through a tangible sea
of distorted memories.
trying to pull definition
from the haze.
Lines and shapes have long since faded
Indiscernible sounds reach your ears,
whispers traveling from millions of miles away—
or so it seems.
A faint word reaches you
indistinguishable at first…
Your name—a spark—
a moment of clarity.
A lightning flash in this night
illuminates everything for you to see.
This dull blur vanishes, now
a dazzling display of color.
Figures lounge about,
laughter falling from smiling mouths,
eyes twinkling, everyone joined together in familiar comfort,
snatches of conversations darting through the air.
Kind eyes meet yours as they beckon you forward
to join in their frivolity and joy.
They make it look so easy—
You know better.
Starting to move forward, your steps falter.
Stray thoughts crash down,
deafening and blinding you to all else.
Every semblance of sanity and clarity
tumbling headfirst into darkness
into murky memories
away from laughter
from family and friends
you start the freefall into oblivion