I’m scared

The following wasn’t thought out, edited, or anything. It’s basically my stream of consciousness as I’m writing.

 

*I’m terrified right now. I don’t want to be. I’m trying very hard to not overreact. It’s just that I’ve been doing so well for a couple of months now.  At times I’ve felt down, but not depressed, and I quickly recover. This may be TMI for any male readers, but I don’t really care.  It’s that time of the month and I don’t know if I’m feeling weird because of that alone, or if it’s something else. I’ve been really fatigued for the last few days, which is kind of normal. It’s the downturn in my mood that has me concerned.  Ever since last night, I’ve had the desire to isolate myself.  I’m suddenly not wanting to go on a family camping trip next weekend. I don’t want to visit my sister. And I’m so easily frustrated and angered right now. In some ways, I’ve felt depressed today. Nothing is making me happy, I don’t want to be around people (yet I want to talk on the phone to a couple specific people who either rushed me off the phone or didn’t answer), I’ve not had an appetite really, and I’m so near tears.  And it has lasted all day long. Like I already said, I’m trying not to overreact, but I am terrified that this is indicative of my depression resurfacing. It’s been so nice not dealing with it for a couple months, and the thought of going back to that horrible place… there’s not even words.

*I hate this right now and, as I’m writing, tears are streaming down my face. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do.

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