You know, this last month things have definitely been on the upswing for me, emotionally speaking that is. I’ve been in a great mood – not depressed really at all (which, if you know me, is quite the statement!), and have been feeling, overall, very positive. One drawback to the last month is that I’ve been getting quite angry at times. Usually at my mom, but not exclusively. It could be over the minutest detail or something that might reasonably agitate any other person.
Last night was extreme. On the way out to a family event that I was to attend today I ran into some issues. Some might call them minor annoyances. I was a passenger in the vehicle my mom was driving but I was unable to listen to my music because my phone battery was nearly dead. I couldn’t find GPS on my phone, which proved a problem when my mom’s GPS failed on back roads. I’m directionally challenged, yet was named navigator. When we needed to call my sister, my phone didn’t have a signal. We arrived at our lodging for the night over 2 hours later than I originally anticipated… Annoyances, right? Wrong – for me, at least. By the time we pulled into the parking lot I was… the best word I can think of is livid. I was so beyond angry I didn’t even want my nephew to give me a comforting hug. And yet within a couple hours I was laughing, completely relaxed, and (dare I say it?) hyper.
You see, in looking back at the last month, I have come to realize something. Over the last almost 5 years, anger (while it may not have been as extreme) had longer-lasting effects. By that I mean that feeling upset or even a little down not so long ago would have started me into a spiral of negativity and depression that could last anywhere from hours to months (but usually longer-lasting).
Do you see why I’m so excited about this past month? I feel like I’ve been able to experience anger (which is a normal, human emotion) in a more healthy way. Yeah, I may get pissed off beyond belief momentarily, but that’s just it – it’s moments or minutes. I react but I recover. It’s just such a testament to how far I’ve come and how well I am progressing.
I’m so excited for the future!
Oh, and just as a positive side-note: My therapist on Saturday told me that she wanted to point out that I’m not currently “experiencing depression.” 🙂 Basically, I’m not in a major depressive episode and, let me tell you, it feels great. I feel so fortunate right now!