Switching Gears

Ever since I was diagnosed with MDD I’ve been in therapy.  That was about 4 1/2 years ago.  I haven’t seen the same therapist the entire time.  I’ve only been seeing my current therapist for just over a year.  It’s been incredibly helpful and I now feel we are ready to switch gears.  Basically, up until more recently, my therapy sessions (whether they were DBT focused or not) have focused on safety and tolerating life.  Occasionally I would start working on other things, but the main focus was always just keeping me safe and functioning.

Recently, I hit my 1 year mark of no cutting.  It was a HUGE accomplishment.  I can’t even begin to describe how excited I was and how proud I was of myself.  It’s a milestone I had never before reached.  So after struggling with cutting for 2 1/2 – 3 years, I finally am a year free from it.  It’s such a relief.  Over the last 6 months I have been more myself.  This does not mean I still don’t have depression.  It doesn’t mean there aren’t still days where I get absolutely nothing done.  What it means is that at times I found I have been able to be productive, I have been experiencing happiness and contentment occasionally.  My therapy sessions have been every other week (which is saying something since I’ve basically been seeing a therapist every week for over four years).

***To put this in perspective though, and to emphasize that I’m not suddenly “cured,” I’d like to share that I had an appointment on April 9th, and then was having such a rough week that I saw my therapist 2 days ago as well.***

This week my therapist asked me what I want the focus of our sessions to be on.  Without going into too much detail, I will just say that I told her I would like to focus on some events of the past.  I believe some things in my past contribute to my not feeling well now, especially given some current circumstances.  I’ve never really delved into my past in therapy, the present moment and severe depression taking priority.  Now, however, I feel ready to take that step.  I am nervous and excited at the same time.  🙂

Progress feels good.  It’s scary at times, but it feels encouraging.



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