In my opinion, it’s very important that you feel comfortable in your therapist’s office. I just saw my therapist on Saturday. Today is Tuesday. I set up an additional appointment for today because I have really been struggling. I don’t know how to explain how I’ve been feeling. My therapist asked me, today, to explain how I was feeling yesterday, physically and mentally. I tried so hard to describe it, but I knew it wasn’t coming out right. I have been in so much emotional pain over the last few days, it has been absolutely horrible. I’ll be sitting and my mind will be empty… until I start thinking about how much pain I’m in. Then, nothing can distract me or hold my attention. My mind is constantly jumping between what I’m trying to focus on and how much pain I’m in. As my friend Amanda said, if I was in that much pain physically I would go to the hospital. I think I’ve been in more emotional pain than I’ve ever been in physically. At times I would feel the need to scream, punch something, and cry all at the same time. Also I would want to just shut down, because being in that much pain feels unbearable. I was feeling so horrible that I come close to equating how I’ve been feeling to agony. A silent agony. This description is not doing justice to how I’ve been feeling.
At any rate, I find it incredibly important to be comfortable in your therapist’s office and with your therapist. When I got to therapy I was smiling like a goof, because that’s what I do when I’m uncomfortable or dealing with difficult emotions: I smile. I told my therapist right away that I was feeling uncomfortable and I realized that I was uncomfortable because I was frustrated with myself for not being able to go a week between therapy appointments. My last appointment was only 3 days ago! After admitting that, I was able to calm down a bit and accept that things are how they are.
During therapy, I was sitting on my therapist’s couch, shoes off, and feet pulled up underneath me or in front of me (whatever way I was most comfortable). Suddenly, halfway through, I got the urge to sit on the floor, to ground myself, because I was feeling really vulnerable and wanted to sit on the ground and curl up. So I asked my therapist if she minded (she said I don’t have to ask in the future) and I sat on the ground right between the couch and her chair. I leaned against the wall and pulled my legs up close to me, holding them. I told her I just needed to ground myself and that I wanted to like cocoon myself. She said unfortunately, she didn’t have a blanket, but that maybe she would get one in the future. I think her getting a blanket for her office is a great idea. I asked her to move to her computer rolling chair so she would be at a different angle to me and she obliged. Actually, I think she offered to move before I had the chance to ask her… Either way, it was all about making me feel comfortable. She was okay with me moving around and I was so grateful for that.
When I started feeling tension in my gut/stomach later, during session, I made sure I mentioned it to her. Together we did some deep breathing and focused on relaxing. We talked about imagining a waterfall cascading down to my gut and washing away the tension. After I relaxed we moved on to talking about other things. At one point we looked at some of the “Wisdom Cards” by Louise L. Hay that my sister gave me a couple weeks ago. It’s a 64-card deck that has some pretty amazing sayings on it. I recorded myself reading a few of the cards and then I recorded my therapist reading some of the cards. The two recordings were only like 18 and 30 seconds respectively, but I listened to them a couple hours ago when I was feeling really overwhelmed and they put a smile on my face. Therapy ended shortly thereafter and I felt much calmer than I had in days. It was so important that I felt comfortable in therapy. I made sure that I did what I needed to do and communicated with my therapist how I was feeling and what I felt I needed. So important.