Sometimes we all have those days where we just don’t feel very good emotionally/mentally. Today is one of those days. Last night too. Right now I just feel profoundly… unhappy. I’m sitting downstairs at my grandma’s house, watching episodes of “Friends,” and using my computer. The episodes of “Friends” are entertaining, yet I still find myself disconnecting, dwelling on my thoughts and feelings of unhappiness and sadness (I think I just identified the sadness).
So, why do I feel like this?
It’s important when you’re feeling bad one day after waking up that you think back to what happened right before you fell asleep or while you were sleeping. Did you have disturbing dreams? If so, what are those dreams reflective of? I know I had some upsetting dreams last night, but I can’t for the life of me remember what those dreams were about. So, I’ll look back to last night. I know that generally yesterday I was feeling pretty well. Right before I went to bed, however, things changed. I started thinking about how so many people in the world have fought tooth and nail to get to where they are today. Things didn’t come freely or easy to them and yet they made things happen. What have I fought for? I don’t have a job, I barely graduated college, I don’t really have many ambitions or goals… So nothing, basically. God, I feel so incompetent and useless. Why don’t I try harder? Why don’t I push myself? Why am I not a self-sustaining adult like my twin sister? Aghhhhhhhhh!!!!! I feel like screaming.
That seems to be one of the problems, doesn’t it? We’re always comparing ourselves to other people. I’m comparing myself to everyone. From my twin, who’s doing so well right now to people I see on television, chasing their dreams of being executive chefs or things like that. It makes me feel so incompetent, like I should be trying so much harder but I’m not. What is wrong with me that I don’t try harder? Why is it that I don’t care that much? It makes me feel broken, worthless, and stupid.
That’s all I have to say right now, I guess.